Verse 2 in Prose

At times I enjoy taking various translations of the Tao Te Ching and reformatting them into prose.  This view of the ancient texts, I feel, provides insights otherwise not readily considered by the reader.  Having allowed some events in recent days to cause me anxiety, I felt a revisit of the second verse might bring some wisdom.  I thought I’d share my studies this day.

"All in the world know the beauty of the beautiful, and in doing this they have (the idea of) what ugliness is; they all know the skill of the skillful, and in doing this they have (the idea of) what the want of skill is.

So it is that existence and non-existence give birth the one to (the idea of) the other; that difficulty and ease produce the one (the idea of) the other; that length and shortness fashion out the one the figure of the other; that (the ideas of) height and lowness arise from the contrast of the one with the other; that the musical notes and tones become harmonious through the relation of one with another; and that being before and behind give the idea of one following another. Therefore the sage manages affairs without doing anything, and conveys his instructions without the use of speech. All things spring up, and there is not one which declines to show itself; they grow, and there is no claim made for their ownership; they go through their processes, and there is no expectation (of a reward for the results). The work is accomplished, and there is no resting in it (as an achievement). The work is done, but how no one can see; 'Tis this that makes the power not cease to be."

by Lao-tzu

J. Legge, Translator

(Sacred Books of the East, Vol 39) [1891]

Can I really disconnect from my work and life for 11 days?

“Maybe you’ll discover that you are already who you are supposed to be”.   That’s what Ajita told me today over a frozen green tea whose flavors I likened to a frozen air freshener or the cold, milky secretions of blended mulch.  Preparing myself to apply for the vipaśyanā retreat is more than just filling out an application and hoping.  I truly sense that completing this form and submitting it is equal to the commitment of going.  For those that don’t know what I’m talking about, vipaśyanā mediation is one of the world's most ancient techniques of meditation, which was re-discovered by Gautama Buddha.  It is a practice of self-transformation through self-observation and introspection to the extent that sitting with a steadfast mind becomes an active experience of change and impermanence.[1] There are global retreats consisting of 11 days of silence, careful diet, guided meditation, and the opportunity to disconnect from everyday distraction to a level where greater introspection can begin.  I have assigned Ajita (unbeknownst to her) as my guru and guide toward a greater state of awareness.  She has agreed to endorse my application and drive me to whatever secret jungle locale the meditation course will take place.  Here are my concerns (thus far):

Can I really disconnect from my work and life for 11 days?

That’s a huge question.  On one hand, it is arrogant to believe that I’m so greatly needed that the world would stop spinning if I got off it for a couple days.  What sort of work do I manage so poorly that it couldn’t be self-sustaining for a few revolutions of the planet?  It’s not the “never take a vacation unless you want to show them how unnecessary you are” silliness.  On the other hand, I worry making this commitment will demonstrate how dependent I’ve become on being needed.  Perhaps this is as necessary for them to be without me as I without them. 

Am I prepared to see my soul in its raw, naked form?

I think we’re really good at living at the level of the “local I”.  The flesh, mind, patterns, and ego that get us through the day-to-day drudgery of living on a local plane are indeed sufficient tools for getting the job done – even if just barely.  This meaty vehicle comes with a need to be praised, qualified, craves attention, feels above or beneath others, and believes it to be apart from everyone and everything.  It has the blind audacity to be a wave on a great ocean and declare itself to be the ocean.   It is a sunbeam through a window declaring itself to be the sun.  Within this is a soul quietly observing the absurdity of our self-imposed dramas, laughing at our ignorance, and wanting to whisper in our ear that the secrets we think are so well hidden are in fact carried inside us at all times.  I wonder if I’ve only ever glimpsed “me”, and worry that I’m not sure I’m willing to admit that Corey Coates is not who I really am.  It’s nice to think our personality, our relationships, our stuff, is who we are.  But we cower in the corner and deny that we know it isn’t. 

Is the daily sense of connectedness I seek already with me?

I go back to the simple notion brought up over tea that I’m already being who I was destined to be and that (as I preach but rarely consider) the path is the destiny.  I’m on it; therefore I’ve always just arrived.  Going to this retreat does not bring with it unrealistic expectations.  I’m not imagining that I’ll come out enlightened or somehow changed.  I still refuse to wear a leather bracelet and grow a ponytail, though I am going online to look at Jedi costumes to wear after this posting.  But I suppose I’m afraid that I’ll spend 11 days in the jungle to discover what I’m already on the path to understanding.  Perhaps this is a necessary step. 

There are a great many things conspiring around me and there are many hints I’ve not heeded.  I keep cycling back to fear, addictions, failed relationships, anxiety, etc.  How can I make the perfection of my mornings carry through the day?  Why have I stopped running again?  How many times am I going to fill my fridge with the ingredients of success and stop by the restaurants to gorge on the foods of failure?  Next week is my one-year anniversary for the day I stopped smoking.  The reason I did is because my very being wanted to stop.  I suppose I have to be patient and work towards coming to that sensation with some of the other matters.

I don’t know.  As always, that’s the point.

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[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vipassan%C4%81

Fortunately, the abundance and provisions I require literally grow on trees.

I’ve been living lean since Friday of last week.  I spent my last $4 recently and have been using this opportunity to align myself more with the Great Way (Tao).  It’s been an up and down journey thus far.  I sit here in my home now with no power, no Internet, and boiling a pot of rice that I had to borrow from my neighbors.  I’m seeing abundance around me and somehow feel increasingly grateful for the way our universe seems to provide just-in-time nourishment, gifts, and connections provided that we open ourselves to them.  Modesty may be the lesson learned here, but I’m not yet sure.  My mini odyssey of miracles has been most intriguing.  Though pseudo-magical thinking and all its trappings has admittedly been a factor, I’m still convinced I’m on the right path, and that my financial woes are perfectly timed.

I adore fresh fruit.  Costa Rica is a bounty of tropical wonders and the fruit is no exception.  A few days back I was a touch remiss that I hadn’t the means to grab a mango for breakfast.  The craving for this specific fruit weighed heavily on my mind.  After venturing out and eyeing up the neighboring trees for a reachable piece, I had all but given up on the possibility.  When I returned from my errands and began the ascent up my hill, a little, yellow and green, ovular object started rolling toward me.  Its trajectory was unmistakable and I denied with every closing meter what I knew in my heart it was.  This little, perfectly ripe mango had just fallen from a tree, found its way undisturbed to the middle of the road, and was making a beeline for me.  I knelt down, extended my arm, laid my fingers on the road, and waiting patiently until it finally found its way into my palm.  With a gentle grasp I welcomed this gift and thanked whatever or whoever could do such a thing in such sublime, poetic fashion.  I placed it in my bag and continued toward my home – somewhat slower in pace and heavier in gratitude.

Yesterday I was waiting for my second bus to arrive.  I was travelling to a class in Lindora.  Though the skies threatened rain, it didn’t.  I was counting my change.  I had just enough to get to class and return.  There would be little to spare, and certainly not enough to buy dinner.  Yet another crossroads was before me where I could choose to focus on scarcity, or trust in abundance.  I chose the latter.  I gazed around and my eyes were drawn to two golden discs nestled in the dirt.  Someone had dropped a 500 and 100 colones coin.  That $1.20 would be enough to buy a cup of noodles and small can of mixed vegetables for dinner. 

I’ll spare you of the tale where I meditated by the river and shook a mandarin tree this morning, but I’m sure you get the gist.  I’m really trying to tap into a greater understanding of the different results that come with forcing and allowing.  I’m seeing more and more that those around me who force and mold reality to their wants may indeed meet their physical objectives.  But the wake of suffering that trails behind them is devastating.  They don’t see that hammering that round peg into a square hole is a kludge solution to a spiritual problem.  Maybe material things are not finite at all.  Only the quality of basic building blocks is.  We can grab a prebuilt chunk of the universe in the form of money or a Big Mac, or we can intend for it to come into our path and allow the universe to manifest this desire in rhythm with natural forces and in concert with others. 

Yesterday I borrowed $10 from a friend to have lunch.  I promptly felt better, yet worse.  I grabbed a Monterey Chalupa Slider from Taco Bell and sat in my living room with an ear-to-ear grin reserved for the proverbial cat and his canary.  Spewing hot sauce about my Fiesta Fries, sucking back my oversized diet Pepsi, watching Fox news - I was in heaven.  Or, so I thought.  The expected payment I had leveraged this loan against never came.  I could have spent that money of a bag of rice, and perhaps some vegetables.  Instead I rushed in the closest fast-food chain I could find and fed my pithy ego. 

I’m nowhere further in this posting toward providing insight or answers.  I am, however, quite certain that I’m not even close to the level of humility, piety, or compassion that comes with calling oneself aligned with the Great Way.  I’ve got a long way to go.  Fortunately, the abundance and provisions I require literally grow on trees.

The power just came back on.  Back to reality, whatever that is.

Nine Days of Suffrage

Excess has once more reared its way into my path and the punishment shall be swift and brash.  Sometimes the system needs a reboot and I’m about to hit that switch.  I have chosen to wrap up this month with some deprivation and reflection.  Old Mother Hubburd’s cupboards are bare and I’m seeing it as a great opportunity to start fresh.  I’ve been on a fresh food kick lately, meaning that my freezer and pantry are rarely stocked.  Only a smattering of assorted fruits, vegetables, and staples are to be found in my cocina.  When I feel like meat I’ll head down to the butcher and select something to take home and cook that night.  After weeks of beer, eating out, casinos, and general tomfoolery, I’ve decided it’s time to cleanse a bit and send my ego a strong message.  So, what are we left with and how’s this going to work?  Simple - I have rice and vodka.  I’m heading out for my last cappuccino this afternoon and taking a nine-day hiatus from the pleasures of food and drink.  Rice and tea for nine days is the menu.

Now before the emails start rolling in, and after your snickering has been quelled, I’ve wanted to try this for a while.  I really am making application to the meditation retreat this year and will be required to stop eating entirely before noon for 11 days.  Furthermore, I truly have been radically gluttonous of late and do not wish to simply rid myself of guilt by rationalizing it away.  There is a lesson to be learned here about moderation that I feel can only be experienced by swinging the pendulum to the other extreme.  It’s not the guilt of overspending or partying too hard.  Rather there is a daily shame gnawing at me when I eat as I shouldn’t, enjoy a second drink when I need to meditate instead, or start breaking the rules of my frame.  I truly sense that eating after sundown is not necessarily the ideal for my metabolism.  I feel heavy emotionally before I go to Taco Bell.  I then come to that physical state afterwards.  My stomach commands me over the day and I submit.  This may be yet another little experiment that yields nothing.  However, it’s in trying that the greater lesson may be revealed. 

I would like to rebuild my habits and body from the bottom up.  What better way than to work on the fuel system?  A little purge to rid my body of the salt, fat, and sugars that encapsulated so many of those sinful little morsels must be eliminated to clear a slate upon which I can start to focus on superfoods.  My eating must have a purpose beyond pleasure.  I will seek pleasure in the purpose.  This has to be.  My new office downtown is surrounded by fast-food joints.  Work is demanding 16+hrs per day again, leaving the slide into the “I don’t have time to eat well” adage room to fester.  The test is not whether I can find moderation in the present.  For me it’s whether I can build to moderation from zero.  I’m sure there will be many 3hree posts related to food this week.  

Concede your constant need to be right

Living simply has been my goal in the past 10 or 11 months.  Studying the great way as described in the Tao Te Ching, coming again to the 80^th verse, and rolling off the party wagon of weeks of excess, brings me back to a center point that is sorely needed.  I must admit that I’ve been somewhat out of touch with spirit these days and am glad that the opportunity to get back on the path presents itself, time and time again.  I’m at peace when I eat well, go to bed early, wake up and run or hike, and avoid alcohol and spending in excess.  During these phases I pray, meditate, write, play music, and have a healthy balance of work and pleasure with a knowing and trusting that all things will be done in their rightful way.  When I suck back a couple beers, break out the credit card, let my ‘wit’ and tongue lead conversations, and choose to blow off tasks for another day, a certain darkness begins to settle in.  Like allowing a cloud overhead to moderate how much light I will see, I start to feel depressed, anxious, unworthy, and frustrated.  I’m not suggesting that it’s the booze, but I will put forward that it can be a trigger to set the ego patterns back in motion. 

This morning I’ve started another hellacious day of activities.  This, bear in mind, takes place from 4:00 AM on in most occasions.  I have articles to write, online meetings, traveling to clients, presentations to prepare, and much more.  All of which are carefully arranged in a color-coded Google calendar with nearly zero float.   However, waking up and starting with some household chores, meditation, and a walk to the river has made things begin to flow again.  I’m writing this now knowing that my next online meeting is in but one short minute.  When my client appears, I will close this and focus my full attention on her, because ‘she and I’ is what I’ve set aside this time to do.  When that has concluded, I will move on to my next colorful block and immerse myself in that.  All the while, I refuse to feel anxious of the next block of time.  There is only now, and I planned it that way.

Where this leads are questions of overcommitting and the power of saying “yes”.  “No” is the easiest answer anyone can give, actually.  It’s harder, takes more commitment, and in some cases more power to say “yes”.  How many people do you know who are even in the position to say “yes” to some of the hardest tasks and questions?  Not many, I bet were you to really think about it.  There’s a glib little expression that says “busy people always have time, lazy people are too busy”.  I like that.  However, I worry at times that I’m taking on too much.  Not that I’m sacrificing one thing for another, but rather I’m double-booking myself and not giving a fair allocation of time and attention to those I promise to do quality work for.  When was the last time you had a meeting, or even a lunch for that matter, where the person with you devoted 100% of their attention to your words, thoughts, and ideas?  Furthermore, when was the last time you devoted 100% of your attention to someone or something?  Here’s the ‘call to action’:  Make your next meeting or get-together an opportunity to truly listen.  Be immersed. Commit your full, undivided attention to the person with you.  Yield, listen, find points of agreement and concede your constant need to be right or have the last word.  You will find that your time will be more fulfilling and you will look forward to the next opportunity to commit yourself as a chance to forget your worries and live in the moment, giving and compassionate as is the nature of the Tao.  Your partner will leave feeling full of the life-giving force that you surrendered to, and will also eagerly anticipate the next chance to be in your presence and solicit your work.